


The In-Between

by kirschtrash



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: A little bit of Jeanmarco, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Based on a dream I had, Character Death, Feels, M/M, Tragedy, after-death experience, supernatural themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-31
Updated: 2014-07-31
Packaged: 2018-02-11 04:18:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2053299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirschtrash/pseuds/kirschtrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>" You stopped at another door. This time a soldier stands and opens it for you. You can see the swirling stars outside, but you stop to ask the soldier about this maze.<br/>You question him, “Where are we?”<br/>The soldier smiles, “The In-Between.” "</p><p>In which a brave soldier dies, and now he has to decide where to go next on his own. One-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The In-Between

**Author's Note:**

> This one-shot is based on a dream I had. The dream means a lot, even though it scared me shitless. So I wanted to use my dream to turn it into something good. Hope you like it!
> 
> Listen to "The Light Behind your Eyes" by MCR for the feels.

**_The In-Between_** :

 

The world is spinning.

The pain inside every part of your body is numbing. You can feel the blood oozing from your face, neck, chest… You cannot control it. It is unbearable.

War is still waging around you. You hear the distant cries of your fellow soldiers fighting Titans that had flooded the city. The rooftops of the houses were on fire. Most of the buildings around you were in ruins, and smoke hung around everywhere.

You hear more cries, this time accompanied by the growling of a hungry Titan. You try to move, you try to advance forward, so that you can help your comrades. But you cannot feel your legs. The pain numbed every other feeling.

You feel more dizzy than before. Your legs give in beneath you, as you fall against the wall with a thud and grunt. Your breath came in ragged breaths. The pain increased ten times more. As you fall, your eye-sight begins to blur from the edges, as unconsciousness tried to take over you. But you resist. You were trained to ignore pain, and fight for humanity’s survival. You want to do just that. It’s what you've always believed in; to throw away your own safety for the good of others. But the inevitable thought crosses your mind; _how can you ensure others safety when you yourself are in danger?_

You feel a tug within you. Life was slipping away from you. But you are not ready to leave yet. You still have to sign in the Military Police Brigade, where you will ensure your Highness’ safety. You promised a peaceful life by Jean’s side…

The world closes in on you. You feel as if you are trapped. The inevitable is finally arriving; your end. Never have you imagined your end as being so near, so early, so brutal. But you cannot control it. You are scared, yes, but you still hold onto memories to ease the pain.

You hold onto the time when you passed the aptitude test, when you excelled in 3-D Maneuvering, when you were chosen in the top ten.

Tears stream down your face as you recall these and more. You recall the time you helped Jean in his aptitude test, when he stumbled all the time but you helped him. You recall the time you heard Jean call himself a bad-leader, and seeing the amount of self-hatred he had in his eyes, you could not bear it. You convinced him he was the best you have seen, and that was true; he had a way with noting people’s fears that helped him judge the situation. After saying that, you treasured the look of hope Jean had that lit up his amber eyes.

The tears stopped. The tugging was stronger now. The pain started to lessen, as you allowed yourself to let go of your body, and give in to the tugging.  
The tug was now smoother, easier. Your heartbeat was faint. You can feel yourself fade away from this world.

The world around you started to glow bright white, and you shield your eyes from the light. Then your heart stops beating for a grueling minute.

The last you remember are those amber eyes.

* * *

 

After a second, you are somewhere else. You are in a hallway; with wooden doors one after the other with no description on them. The path winded like an intricate maze. The walls were clean and white, but the doors were made of the rough bark of wood, with splinters and cracks.

 

You are in the same place; leaning against the wall at the far end of the hallway. You try to move your fingers. Surely, you flex your fingers with ease. You try to stand gingerly with support from the wall. You’re able to stand too. Surprised, you go to the nearest mirror – luckily, a mirror was right above you – and inspect your face.

Your facial features are not bloody anymore, you are the same; same wheat complexion with freckles over your cheeks. Both your brown eyes are there, with your dark hair parted neatly from the middle. You lift a shivering hand to trace the right side of your face. Your faint fingers trace your right eye, mouth, neck and collar. You remember vividly that just a few moments ago your whole right side was covered with blood, but not anymore.

You take in a shaky breath as realization dawned upon you; you are dead.

You slide down the wall again helplessly. You feel guilty for leaving so soon. You would do anything to go back and fight. You still have the will inside of you to keep on going. Tears well in your eyes again as you sob. You do not try to hold it back this time; you let it out. At that moment you scold yourself that you should have fought harder, you should have acted braver, you should have lived better.

You cry for who knows how long, pitying yourself grudgingly. In this dimension, time did not exist; you think you have either spent a second here, or a whole hour. Either way, you get up and wipe the tears off of your face. You feel surprisingly light; as if you did not weigh a single pound. You felt clean and pure as well. You advanced to check the doors, and where they led to. Out of curiosity, you reach out towards the farthest door in the hallway. You touch the cold brass knob, and turn it.

You gasp as you see what is inside; you see nothing but extra-galactic nebula, the stars scattered everywhere. It was as if the whole Universe was put out in front of you. You could see more than one color; other than the black, there were splashes of green, a plume of red, and also shades of purple.

Curiosity takes over your fear, and so you advance gingerly. But the door had this magnetic strength to it, which pulled you in the galactic abyss.  
You do not fall. You do not faint. You float, as if you weighed nothing. Stars floated above you, below you, and all around you. You try to touch one, but the scene changes immediately.

Darkness takes over, and no longer are you in a galaxy of stars. You are now in another hallway, this one longer, and much more intricate than the last one. You check another door, and another, and another and another. Every time you opened a door, you would experience the same thing; an expanse of stars floating in an endless abyss. Every once in a while, you would see a star exploding far away, the bright light blinding even from light-years away. Every door led to another hallway with more doors. You did not stop. You would not stop until there would be some end to this maze.

You stopped at another door. This time a soldier stands and opens it for you. You can see the swirling stars outside, but you stop to ask the soldier about this maze.

You question him, “Where are we?”

The soldier smiles, “The In-Between.”

Confused, you question him further. But he does not reply anymore. He opens the door wider, now looking outside. Giving up, you step out again.

This time, you do not land in a hallway. You are in a white-washed room with windows and a golden gate in front of you, guarded by another soldier.

It was a familiar soldier, wearing the trainee uniform.

It was Franz.

Franz seemed to notice you as well since he left the papers he was looking at, and stepped up to meet you halfway. You do not give him a chance to speak; you begin your speech. You question him about this place, about where you are, about what to do next, about almost everything.

You finish with ragged breaths, as the anxiety of the events-to-come rushed in you like a tidal wave. You feel yourself tremble, as you slide down the wall to calm your nerves. Franz sits next to you on the floor, the bright golden gate right in front of them. You dig the heels of your palms in to your eyes to get yourself together. You turn to Franz, and ask him faintly.

“Are you too?”

He nods. “My 3DMG ran out of gas while I was in the air. I fell and… here I am now.” he answers.

You let out a sigh. You look at the gates. You have an idea what’s beyond it.

“Is that…” you start.

“…the Entrance to Heaven? To most, yes.” He completes for you.

“To most?” you mimic.

“It depends on what people believe. It changes from one perspective to another. Some find their ‘perfect life’. Some find their families they had once lost. Some find ‘capital _H_ Heaven’. It depends.”

It’s all too much for you to process. You do not know what to do next. You are confused.

“Just tell me what to do.” you whisper, clearly given up.

Franz looks at you thoughtfully. He gets up, and beckons you to follow. You do. He leads you to one of the windows, bordered with gold. You expect a view of the typical “Heaven” in the clouds, but you find something else. Your eyes grow wide.

You see your comrades. They are around a pyre, lit up with flames that reach high in the sky. You see Sasha, Connie, Ymir, Krista and many others you knew. You see a figure kneeling near the pyre, his right fist closed tightly.

You hear a familiar voice in your mind, _“Marco… I don’t even know which bones are yours…”_

It was Jean.

He gripped the supposed-bones in his fist tighter, and looked at the crackling fire, his face painted with pure melancholy. Your heart breaks; you cannot bear to see the arrogant pride in him get stomped on like this. His spirit seems to be blown away like a candle-light being blown out.

You press your palm on the cold glass, and lean your forehead on it. You are over-whelmed by everything that has taken place. A tear trickles down your cheek, as you whisper, “Oh Jean…”

Then something out-of-the-ordinary happens. Jean blinks, and looks towards his right, right into your eyes. His eyes grow wide, and so do yours. _Did he see me?_ you question yourself.

You think it’s the trick of the eye. He could not see you; you do not even exist anymore. But just as the mere thought passed your mind, Jean gets up turns towards you. His expression is of shock; surely he must have seen you. You see his eyes fill with tears, as he looks away and steps towards the other soldiers.

You hear him say, “I… have decided where to go…”

His eyes meet yours for the briefest of seconds. He looks down into the bones in his hands.

“I will join the Survey Corps! _I don’t want these charred bones to be disappointed in me!_ ” The sob that racked his whole body was immense. He knelt again and sobbed helplessly.

You do not believe your eyes. You do not believe what Jean just said. He had decided to go join the Military, to be _safe… Why would he…?_

Franz answered that unsaid question for you. “He decided that to honor you. He did see a glimpse of you. He wanted to make you proud.”

You feel numb. _Jean has decided to put his life on the line for you._ You let out a shaky sigh, frosting up the glass. You look at Franz beside you.

You ask him, “Now what?”

He smiles faintly, and says, “Marco. This part is your decision. You have two choices; either you go through the gates, or wait here. But mind you; souls who wait here go crazy, and fade after some time. Choose wisely.”

You try picking one. You can wait for Jean to arrive. It would be easier after that. But the question hung in the air; _what if you fade away first?_

_What would Jean say?_

“Hey, Marco.” Franz says, putting a comforting hand on your shoulder. “He is honoring you, you know. He would not like it if he comes here and finds you faded away.”

You think it over again. You look at him, still kneeling. This time Connie has put a comforting hand on his back.

You do not want him to be disappointed in you either.

“I’ll go.” you decide.

Franz nods, and leads you towards the gates. Before you advance, you look at Jean. You take him in; his ruffled sandy hair, his sharp features, his amber eyes. You whisper to him, meaning every single syllable that escapes your lips:

_“I’m so proud of you.”_

At that exact moment, Jean sniffles and looks at the sky. A smile graced his lips, as he closes his eyes; tears leaking under them. He gives the lightest of nods.

You look at him for the last time, as you go towards the gates. You hug Franz, and thank him.

“If I ever see Jean, I’ll bring him to you.” Franz said, encouraging you.

For the first time, you feel calm, and you chuckle. You say your farewells to him, as you step into the blinding light.

* * *

 

You open your eyes to a whole new scene.

You see green pastures all around you. Trees are scattered everywhere and you also see lush green hills faraway. The sky is covered with grey clouds, and a cool, light breeze runs over the land.

No longer are you wearing the old trainee uniform. You are wearing the Survey Corps uniform; the Wings of Freedom adorned on the badges on your coat, as well as on the cloak hanging on your shoulders.

You are standing on a dirt track, the path long and winding into the hills and trees faraway. You sneak a look behind you, half-expecting the same gates, but you do not see anything; just more trees.

The wind rustles your clothes, as your cloak flaps behind you. You think of what to do next, as you inspect the land around you.

You remember being scared trying out the 3DMG for the first time. You remember Jean making fun of you when you complained.  
You remember the words he said after:

“Come on, Marco! How will you know if you don’t try?”

You look at the path in front of you.

_How will I know if I do not try?_

You look up and jokingly say, “Don’t fuck it up, Jean!”

You chuckle, take a deep breath, and march forward.

You question yourself, _Will I be okay?_

_I know I will._

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I went through all the raw feels while writing this. This is my first ever Attack on Titan fanfiction, so hopefully I did it justice. Let me know how did I do by reviewing!
> 
> I'm on FF.net too, with the name Cirque du Afro. There, I'm currently working on a James/Lily fanfic. You can go check it out!
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as well, with the name afro-frickin-circus!


End file.
